Today was magic.
It started with the usual get-up-and-rush routine to which Benny and I have become grumpily accustomed. Let the alarm go off, hit snooze, roll over, hit snooze 8 more times, finally get up in a mad rush to make coffee, feed the cats, get Benny breakfast, turn on a show, and scream like a military drill sergeant for him to get dressed. Then hurry, in a mad frenzy, out to the disgustingly messy car. Drive him to school (usually in my pjs), experience some sweet early morning road rage, and arrive just in time to not be counted as tardy. I give him a kiss on the forehead and tell him I love him. He turns to tell me he loves me too.
Go back home. Shower. Drink more coffee. Brush up on my Spanish.
I've had the liquid shits for two days anticipating this next move. I am getting back to "work" (outside the home) for the first time in almost 8 years! I put work in quotes because I have actually worked harder from home over the last eight years than I have ever in my lifetime. It has been exhausting, rewarding, crazy-making, constant, and worth every second. I am so grateful I have been able to spend time with and watch my son grow up to be an amazing little human. But now I've got to get that cash money. So, I had my very first substitute teaching gig. I was terrified. I didn't know if I could handle a random classroom of kids thrown at me. I was so afraid I would mess it up, not have the energy, say something inappropriate to a kid, get a spit wad flung at me. But I showed up. I faced the ever-present anxiety. I dived directly into the deep end of the pool; no swimmies. Turns out, it went swimmingly (had to)! It was a bit chaotic at first as the teacher spoke very little English and explained everything quickly. But I opened myself to the kids. They stepped up to help. They showed me the technology, gave me the rundown of the routine, and were just wonderful. We did great together. I helped them find topics for their speeches and gave them advice on writing techniques, we came up with our very own Harry Potter quiz, I got to know their names and individual personalities a bit, and we connected quickly. It was so easy to care about them, to see them, to like them. They helped me and I helped them. The relationship was more symbiotic than I had expected. As we got ready to leave for the day three of the kids wanted to know if I could come back to teach them again. My heart was full.
Go back home. Have a piece of toast. Head out again.
I took that energy of connection and brought it into my next event of the day. Benny's school had a burst pipe and got flooded this morning (one of the round buildings that contains four classrooms). They were calling for help to move out furniture, papers, books, etc. It is a very small school and they depend on community support to get a lot done there. Usually I shy away from anything involving conversations with unknown parents and teachers. But, rising on the wave of connection I had formed in the classroom, I showed up. I, yet again, dove right in. Started lifting furniture, packing boxes, connecting with other parents and teachers I hadn't yet met. I took down paper birds made by the children off the walls and tried to preserve each unique piece. I talked to Benny's art teacher who told me he is very focused and extremely talented. I saw these teachers, parents, and kids all working together to get this done as quickly and with as much care as possible. My heart swelled at the dedication of these educators and parents. The school that was formed by a teacher who wanted more for the children of this community. A school run by its teachers. A school my son is fortunate enough to attend.
Drive home. Drop Benny off at the mailbox. He ran over to the neighbors before I could even park!
The neighbors had graciously invited us over for a nerf gun battle and campfire (the second neighbor fire this week). I walked over to friendly greetings, snacks, and drinks. Benny was already deep in the play zone with his buddies. I was excited to be amongst other adults. We sat around the fire and talked. We joked, shared, went ever deeper into the conversation. We discussed politics, 9/11, child rearing, love, loss, and poop. The sun set was too beautiful to capture in a photograph. The background music was perfect. It felt like a therapy session, comedy show, and much-needed stress reliever all rolled into one. I looked around amazed at what I am fortunate enough to have here, in my own backyard. Community. Tribe. We realized we had to end the night (to my dismay). We walked inside and the kids were creating art and paper airplanes while one read her own book of funny quotes. I realized through all the difficulty and exhaustion, we have raised some pretty amazing children. My heart is full.
We need this, as humans. We are an interdependent species. We need connections, and not just of the romantic kind. We need friends, neighbors, children, and communities. We need intimate connections and realness. We all need help and we need to be needed. It is as important as food, water, and air in my opinion. I am so grateful for this reminder today and so fortunate to have found this here. I am home.
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