My son and I took a mini road trip today. Went on an adventure as we have often done throughout his six years of life on this amazing planet. We are explorers at heart and it has been a while since we went beyond the boundaries of our home city and our daily routines.
It has been a difficult year to say the least. Circumstantially nothing was blatantly wrong or terrible. Actually just the opposite. We live in a great city, in a wonderful neighborhood, in a cute home. We are basically healthy. My son attends an amazing school that I have dreamed of since he was in the womb. We both have wonderful friends and family who love us both near and far. Anyone looking in from the outside would think we were at peace, finally, after many trying and traumatic life events. But, alas, things are not always as they seem. At least not as they seem on social media to which I am self-admittedly addicted.
This year has been the worst of my life thus far. Not because of any outside influences or events. There have been stressors, of course. Being a single parent is a daily push and pull..always worrying I am messing up and not doing and/or being enough. Always reaching that sharp edge where I feel I could split in two at any moment. But I/ we get through each time and our bond is only strengthened. My son started kindergarten this year and, having so much alone time after almost six years of next to none has not been as freeing as expected. It has, instead, brought up an array of long-repressed emotions that I had been running away from for so long. A deep well of grief finally bubbled to the surface. I also came off of antidepressants in November after months-long attempts and withdrawals. So...as I spent time with my inner, darker worlds, I felt all that backwash of emotion. It was not easy. It was the most difficult journey I have taken to date. Recently, however, I felt a shift in my psyche. Long forgotten parts of me began to resurface and reintegrate. I started to smile again, to feel the sun on my face, to laugh with my son from my belly, to hope for the future just slightly.
And then there was today.
Destination: Greenville, South Carolina. I had heard so many people mention this city over the years. Only an hour south of us just across the state line, but I had never managed to make it there. So, we planned on a day off from school. Packed a backpack with cashews and water and headed south. It was much larger than I expected. The tree-lined streets downtown were reminiscent of Charleston, but I noticed a lighter feel immediately. I anxiously found parking and we began our stroll. A perfect stroll on a perfect day. Never rushed. Always time for pause and spontaneity. My son has reached an age where walking has become more normal paced and less whiny than in previous years. I love this so much. We walked down to the park first, stopping to throw wishes in fountains. We only saw part of the magic and headed back to Main street. We stopped to get hot dogs at a stand (veggie for me). My son ate his in a fury and stated "that was the best hot dog I've ever tasted"! We sat on a bench and listened to a man play the accordion from across the lovely street. I felt as though he played for just the two of us in that moment. We continued to meander, taking in all the sights along the way. Flowers, fountains, shade, sun peaking through the trees. We stopped in a toy store and got a trinket, then continued on our way. Then we headed to the children's museum. It was one of the best we have visited. We stayed for hours. My son made fast friends as he always does. I took photos and felt the joy of his experience. I love this. Feeling joy through another human that you love more deeply than you could have ever imagined. We headed back to Maine street and they were setting up a street festival.I promised we would return to the children's games being set up on the street after dinner. My son picked a creperie and we sat outside in the gorgeous shade. We watched a variety of people pass by. From women wearing fancy dresses to women in head scarfs to gorgeous black men to students laughing. Couples of all ages holding hands. A young Johnny Depp looking waiter recommended a glass of wine and brought us mouth watering food. All seemed to move in slow motion as I chatted with my son and we ate our food gratefully. Each passing moment seemed better than the last. We finished and headed back up to the games, as promised. We played corn hole as a band played "My Girl" and "Stand By Me" in the background. We headed to get our map of the hidden bronze mice throughout the city. My son said this was his favorite part of the day...searching for small statues of mice based on obscure clues. I loved that he loved it. We continued southward, across the big bridge and down to the river. Pure magic lived here. Strolled by us and held our hands by the river. We sat on a swing seat and felt the breeze. We walked across the suspension bridge as the suns set in the southern sky and looked at the beauty of the waterfalls below. Horns seemed to float in the breeze. Children played, bikers rode by, a man sat on a brick wall rocking out to his r & b tunes...lost in the music and free for that moment. Couples, again, held hands and solo walkers gazed into the distance. This, I thought, is romance. A love affair with a place. I was in love.
We headed back, now exhausted but completely fulfilled. I asked my son if he had a fun day. A simple "yes" and a squeeze of the hand was the perfect ending to this lovely day. This new beginning.
