Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Match Made In Heaven....literally

Ben and I spent one year together. One year nearly to the day actually. We started talking in late April of 2011 and he passed in late April of 2012.

This was the most intense, life-changing, and happiest year of my life so far. It is difficult to explain to anyone why two people, who were so extremely different, fell into love so deeply. When asked "Why do you love him when your beliefs are so different?" I would respond "It's something deeper. Hard to explain. We are the same at our core." What I really wanted to say was that we were soul mates destined to be together...but that seemed a bit too Hollywood for me!

Now I ask the question 'Why'. Why would I be given such an amazing love only to have it taken away at its peak? Why did he exit this earth when I am carrying his child...that he wanted more than anything? Why did we finally reach a place of pure contentment only a week before he died? Why was I in another state when it happened? Why did I finally desire to grow old with someone and then have him taken so young? I can ask these questions day and night and find no answers. The real question is why, and how, were we brought together in the first place? I think the answer to this lies in another dimension.

Not long after we met Ben said to me, "I think my dad and your mom brought us together." I thought it a sweet notion, but didn't know whether to believe it. Now I do. I think that our parents got together in "heaven" and became matchmakers. His dad knew that Ben only had one year left to live and wanted to make sure he got what he wanted...a wife, a child, and a nice home. My mom knew that I needed to love and trust again. To be embraced and grounded by someone strong and honest. They knew we would be perfect for one another...challenge old beliefs, be eternally loyal, have fun together, learn how to compromise (which neither of us knew how to do previously), and love fully. They allowed us to meet and then sat back, smoked a bowl, and enjoyed the show!

I am so grateful to have known Ben and to have spent the last year of his life together. So incredibly honored to be carrying his child and his last name. He was an angel to me...changing my life forever. I will always love him and cherish our memories.

Love you fucker.

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