We left Panama early. I have decided to temporarily retire from traveling. The lessons I learned while abroad are irreplaceable. I would never take back the experience as it was beautiful and raw. It forced me to see from an entirely new perspective and guided me to my right path.
I have a young son. We both have our health and finances to take care of our needs. For this, I am eternally grateful. Now I know what we truly need: people we love and stability. Home. Routine. Consistency. It is time.
To the more romantic among you I understand your perspective completely and I have been with you my entire life. Travel! Live! Be free! I know this is entirely possible with a child too, but it is not our path. I choose to raise my child in one neighborhood, with a group of friends surrounding him. Finding a great school where he can thrive and sticking with it. I choose roots for us.
I feel I have been running for far too long. Running from my emotions, my responsibilities, intimacy, life. I feared standing still because I might actually feel deeply again. I might actually become close with people. And then, ultimately, I might lose them. Of course this was not entirely conscious. I just kept moving.
Benny has had so many different bedrooms over the course of his 4 years it is embarrassing. He has lived in 4 states and 2 countries. He has celebrated 4 birthdays in 4 different locations. I know this has made him resilient and he is a born adventurer, but I also know he needs more. From now on we will take mini adventures and shorter trips...all while having a place to call home.
Thank you all for sticking by me and not telling me I'm a nutcase. Thank you for following our adventures and allowing us space on your couches and guest beds along the way. I love you all and am very afraid to lose you. It is time to face those fears and get ever closer. I do believe some long hugs are in order :) It is time to grow roots.