Tuesday, October 19, 2010


My greatest fear has come to pass. What now?

I once wrote an essay in Psych class answering the question "What do you fear above all else?". I wrote that I was afraid one of my parents would commit suicide. Seriously.

What does one do once their number one fear has transpired? Replace it with a new anxiety-producing, worry-invoking thought of what "could" happen? Feel relief that they survived the tragedy and move on with their dull existence? Suddenly and miraculously become fear-free?

I honestly don't know. I am afraid all the time in normal day-to-day situations. Afraid of talking to people, scared to drive, afraid of fucking up in a major, or minor, way. I, however, no longer seem to fear the "big stuff": an apocalyptic event, death of those close to me, death of myself (real or imagined).

We have such a short time to be alive in these bodies. Why let the inevitability of death bog us down? Why not look closely at the Grim Reaper and give him a nice wink? Why not jump out of planes and surf on waves?...take a gamble and possibly win?

So, back to my original question, what now?? I want to live life more adventurously. I want to take risks and jump into this existence full-force. See the world. Get covered in tattoos. Enjoy lots of sex! I want to laugh until I cry. Get my degree. Learn. DANCE. Scream. I want to honor my mother's life by doing what she couldn't....Living.


  1. The world is yours. Do anything you want and enjoy life to it's fullest while you can. Don't be afraid. The more you get out there amongst people, the better it will be. Laugh, Love and take those risks Alysha!! Love you.

  2. if you figure out how to live, please show me

  3. I will Brett. Thanks Aunt Ginny. I shall try my hardest.