A deep sadness that is difficult to explain. Loss. Change. Words that are a normal part of this human experience, yet so incredibly painful at times.
There are many days where I do not want to get out of bed. The dream world is far more interesting and pleasurable. There are other days where I believe the possibilities are endless. Where is the balance?
I cannot pretend to be a fun and bubbly person when I am not all the time. I am not most of the time.
I understand that I will lose all that I love and relationships are constantly in transition. I understand that life is not a land of gumdrops and rainbows. I still feel this way no matter how much I fight it or try to deny it.
I am not saying I feel this heaviness all the time...just a little more than half. Am I crazy or does our society just not honor our non-happy emotions? Are we supposed to be upbeat constantly? That is not who I am and I will not pretend. I am loving, compassionate, sometimes goofy and sarcastic, I have a temper, and I get down and out. Time to accept it all.
i'm with you. i feel like my job keeps me--well, not depressed, but definitely not as happy as i could be--sort of apathetic, i guess, most of the time. there is nothing wrong with experiencing negativity. i think the people that make a big deal about it are often less concerned with how the other individual is feeling and more concerned with how someone else's sadness is dragging them down. me, personally, i think it's ok to be down, but also to consciously not allow your mood to infect others. "good morning", "please", "thank you", "hello", "good night", these cordial phrases, although recited mechanically, are a must, but beyond general politeness you are entitled to feel as you will.
ReplyDeleteI go to the extreme opposite though Brett. I don't want to bring others down, so I hide in my room until it passes...which can takes weeks! There needs to be balance I think. We are interdependent and perhaps people need to look at their darker sides as well.
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