Sunday, April 28, 2013

Dream Life?

Do you ever sit back and look at your life and wonder "how the hell did I get here"? I do on a regular basis. Not always in a negative tone, but just as a general inquiry. Things did not go as planned to say the least, but then again the plan kept changing over time.

What was your dream life? Is there really such a thing as a dream life?

I believe most of us are disillusioned. Growing up watching fairy tales and romantic comedies made us believe there was some ultimate happy ending in real life. Does anyones life go as planned?

We spend so much time and energy trying to make our lives "perfect". Finding the ideal mate who will love us forever and never fight with us, landing the greatest job with the best co-workers and most fabulous pay, and finding our dream home that never gets dirty and where the sun shines daily. Reality check: this is impossible!

So we look at our lives, as 30 and 40 somethings, and say "shit, this is not what I imagined". Whatever the "it" may be; whether it be divorce, death of a loved one (or several), an unexpected child or two, an over-priced apartment, a boring marriage, dishes in the sink, dog poop to clean up, a redundant job, or a less-than-ideal figure; it was not a part of the dream.

So what do we do now? Continue to make up unrealistic dreams? Run away from it all? Escape into drugs and alcohol? Or do we accept our lives as they are now and be grateful for the moments of beauty, love, and joy?

Being a widow and single mother without a college degree at the age of 30 was definitely not a part of my dream. Taking out the trash, changing poopy diapers, and spending my nights alone was not a part of the plan. I can choose to feel sorry for myself and go through life wishing things were different or I can look at what I do have: a beautiful baby boy who wakes up smiling, a doggy who wags his butt at my mere presence, a safe and cozy place to live in the mountains, loving memories with my mother and my husband, many wonderful friends and family who care about me, a good running car, health, and a bright future ahead. It may not be what I dreamed, but it is my life, and I am grateful to be alive.

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